I realized when I woke up this morning that today was not only the Ides of July, but the seventh month since Terry passed. Also, that I have less than ten days left of my long summer visit with my kids and my grandson. The real ringer this week was learning of the recent sudden death of a classmate and one of my closest friends during high school. His birthday would have been tomorrow. I’m definitely fighting off some doldrums and melancholy.
I’ve had an amazing time here in the PNW since early June, celebrating my son’s second official father’s day, my daughter’s birthday and my grandson’s third birthday. This weekend we celebrate my son and daughter-in-law’s anniversary.
I enjoyed listening to my daughter perform live at a local Opera on Tap event (in mid June and again next week). I also drove north of Seattle to Deception Pass with my daughter and her boyfriend for some easy hiking with a recovery period at a local winery.
Perhaps I’m feeling anxious because returning to my home means facing the seemingly insurmountable unfinished tasks I left behind me at the end of May. The situation with my father has only gotten worse in my absence. My house remains cluttered with the detritus of several decades and no closer to being ready for the hot housing market. I can find many excuses to let inertia continue it’s course and few motivations to keep the rock rolling.
Well, that last is not entirely true. I have many motivations with me here right now where I’m visiting. I just fear that when I return, the fog of futility will overwhelm me and my job will be my only safe and orderly sanctuary.